Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
