You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
