JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
