Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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