It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
