she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
