I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
