Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
