Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
