Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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