Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
tell me about the eggs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
