is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
