I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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