you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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