If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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