i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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