so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
