I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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