i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
