I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
