at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
