She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
