How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
