i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
And then he peed in my hair
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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