If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
