He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
