his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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