But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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