Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
two words...techno handjob
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I party with great urgency now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
