Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My bed smells like the plague
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
