everyone is single if you try hard enough
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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