and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
