Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
