She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
