Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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