my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
