I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
