i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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