ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
