Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
