I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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