Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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