look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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