Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
