Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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