my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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