I can tuck mytits in my pants
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
