You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this boner is exhausting
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
