Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize