Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
