guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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