Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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