watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
