every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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