you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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