Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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