it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i drank out of a bidet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
