So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
