wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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