NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
