whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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