if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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