"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
