I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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