Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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