Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
