if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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